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    • that’s off the hook you little perve!!

    July 14th, 2008 by janmihaelvaldez

    PARENTAL GUIDANCE: NOT FOR KIDS. if you’re of age, proceed, if not, read on parin. pero be warned, may pagka perve to. hahaha. i just thought they were funny!

    With due respect to Robert Frost, I wrote this parody to extentuate consequences in the choices we make

    The Man Not Taken

    Two men sprawled in bed looking good,

    Sorry I could not keep them both.

    Being one woman, long I stood

    And checked out one as far as I could

    Estimating his financial growth.

    Then took the other with balding hair

    And having perhaps a little shame

    Because he was skinny, no muscles to bare

    Though as for that the time spent there

    Had proven their sexuality about the same.

    And both that morning equally lay
    in sheets so silky smooth and black.

    Oh, I reserved the first for another day.

    Yet knowing a good time goes a long way,

    I doubted if he would ever come back.

    I shall be telling this with a cry,

    Somewhere nine months hither and hence.

    Two men sprawled in bed,
    and I,
    I chose the one who told the vasectomy lie.

    I wish I had known the difference!

    A Naughty Little Poem

    She whispered “will it hurt me?”
    “Of course not” answered he
    “It’s a very simple process,
    You can rely on me.”

    She said “I’m very frightened,
    I’ve not had this before.
    My friend has had it five times
    And said it can be sore.”

    It was growing rather painful
    Tears formed in her eyes
    It was hurting quite a bit now
    It must have been a size.

    “Calm
    yourself” he whispered
    “His face filled with a grin
    “Try and open wider
    So I can get it in.”

    “It’s coming now” he whispered
    “I know” she cried in bliss
    Feeling it deep within her now
    She said “I am glad I’m having this.”

    And with a final effort
    She gave a frightened shout
    He gripped it in anguish
    And quickly pulled it out.

    She lay back quite contended
    Sighed and gave a smile
    She said “I’m glad I came now
    You made it worth my while.”


    Now if you read this carefully
    The dentist you will find
    Is not what you imagined
    It’s just your dirty mind!!

    Pickles Are Green

    Roses are red
    pickles are green
    I love your legs
    and what’s in between

    I like your style
    I like your class
    but most of all
    I like your ass!!!!


    I Am Just A Normal Guy But
    All My Dreams Are Kinky

    I’m just a normal guy,
    just as plain as one can be.
    My Mum & Dad were average folks,
    & that’s how they raised me
    I don’t understand it,
    it’s to normal things I’m geared

    By day my life is sane,
    but at night my dreams are weird

    I’m just a normal fella
    who goes off to work each day
    I do my job, lunch with my mates,
    each week collect my pay
    But in the night I dread the bed,
    each night is just the same
    Cause all my dreams are kinky,
    one overnight sick game.

    I’m dressed in a G-string tied in a bow
    There’s a chicken in a garter belt, Oh God no!
    Birds fly by and wolf whistle overhead
    Don’t roll over there’s a roo in the bed …

    15 Strippers all in a row
    All with bra-straps ready to blow
    One pretty lady dancin’ in my lap
    Don’t you touch or you’ll get a nasty slap.

    I’m just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
    My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that’s how they raised me
    I think one day when I was small, Ma dropped me in the sink
    By day I’m just a normal sod, by all my dreams are kinked

    I’d like to have a girlfriend, but it just never does work out
    We get on fine until they find what my night dreams are about
    Then they drop me like a stone, they say they can’t compete
    With nude three-breasted women with vibrators on their feet

    Hippos in tutus, hot oil & cream
    Chains and whips all to make me scream
    Lizards & snakes all in strange places
    They’re gettin’ it on & making lewd faces

    When dreaming the nightclubs everywhere
    Are chock full of animals in underwear
    Teddy Bears in teddies, wombats in hot pants
    All we need now is a couple thousand ants

    I’m just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
    My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that’s how they raised me
    My life could be near perfect, my life could be real fun
    If only when I slept the chorus girls weren’t dressed like nuns

    I went to see a famous shrink, to straighten out my head
    I told him if I can’t get fixed I might as well be dead
    He laid me down & said “tell me of your erotic dreams”
    I said “One feather is erotic, not whole chickens soaked in cream!”

    There are female wrestlers all covered in jelly
    Exotic dancers doing things with their bellies
    A cute sexy lady, covered in mud
    Whispers in my ear with the voice of Elmer Fudd

    There are strong males strippers with bricks in their jocks
    With all those square corners they couldn’t be socks
    This stuff all around me is one kinky dream
    Whatever you imagine I’m sure to have a theme

    I guess it is my lot to life, can’t beat it so I’ll join
    I suppose that they are only dreams they don’t even cost a coin
    So if at night you happen to hear me in my sleep
    Just think, “that lucky bugger, is dancing naked tending sheep.”

    I’m just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
    My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that’s how they raised me
    I don’t under stand it, it’s to normal things I’m geared
    By day my life is sane, but at night my dreams are weird

    Posted in Uncategorized | tagged , , | | 3 Comments

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