TIME OUT
August 17th, 2008 by janmihaelvaldez
One of the most memorable time in my life is when I started smoking and started going out on parties and gimmicks, and started going home drunk and late.
To be straightforward, this is not really a commendable trait, I’m not proud of it because smoking and drinking and going home drunk is not very admirable for the eyes of many, most specially for my parents, who hold a slightly prominent figure in society.
I am not mortified of my vices nor am I proud of them. I know I’m just living my life at the moment, enjoying what I should have enjoyed during high school. I’m a late bloomer when it came to these things, that’s why when I was in the late stages of college life; I tried to experience them all.
My vices gave me a feeling of immense elation. It was like I’m experiencing the real world of teenagers for the first time. I feel cool every time I puff on my cigarettes and down a whole bottle of stallion in just minutes. And now I remember what I’ve told myself when I was still in high school: “I may drink but I will never smoke nor do drugs” I ate that statement many months ago, though I’ve kept my word on not doing drugs.
It’s been almost a year since I started to smoke and started drinking nonstop and going out on gimmicks. And still I remember the person who somehow influenced me to do all these things. Being with her has brought innumerable memorable experiences. Memories worthy of being stored on the neurons of my brain. Being with her almost all the time even placed me on the verge of almost falling for her. but that is not the issue here.
As time passed by, I became too comfortable with her and her friends that a day without drinking with them or playing cards with them wasn’t complete.
Being too comfortable with the people I drink and smoke with has finally taken its toll. One time, my mouth lost its control due to the unbearable amount of alcohol in my blood that has effectively numbed the inhibitory center of my brain, which resulted to unconsciously humiliating one of her friends which caused her to walk out on us. She left without leaving a word, I know what I did, I know I humiliated her, and I know what to do to make it up to her, but when I got up and decided to catch up with her and say how sorry I am for blurting out those words, she was already gone. It was 3 in the morning, she was a girl, and her house is far and it’s dangerous for a lady to travel alone.
I told her friend that I would have liked it more if she just slapped me in the face or just hit me, I would rather have that anytime, rather than having her life risked by going home alone. I can never forgive myself if something ever happened to her because of me.
I went back inside and decided to just text her, she replied and all I got was a curse. I know i deserved it. I was no longer enjoying the night, the kick of alcohol was gone and I somewhat became sober because of what happened. I decided to leave. But before I could make my exit, I humiliated myself by vomiting, good thing we were in the backyard and I was standing right beside the drainage.
From that moment on, I faltered and firmly decided to detach myself from their company for a little while and just be quiet and take another serious look at the plans I have made for my life. I am not saying that they are in the way for my future plans, I am not saying anything of that sort, but the need to separate myself from them comes from the fact that my mouth is uncontrollable when under the influence of alcohol. I cannot risk another one of them or “her” walking out again and risking her life by going home alone because of me.
Alcohol and I does not really match, alcohol cannot be a big part of my life, this is not the personality I built for myself, I don’t want to be labeled by my friends and society as an “alcoholic ass with an uncontrollable mouth that endangers the life of the people around him” I don’t want that.
As I have said earlier, I will stay away from alcohol for some time, and refocus on my plans and start renewing myself.
Detoxification stage muna ako.
text nyo naman ako pag may inuman. joke lang tong entry na to. Lolz
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on August 17th, 2008 at 7:16 am
i would like to emphasize that i am detaching myself at the moment to avoid stupid things being said and done. i don’t want to hurt you nor put you into grave trouble because of my stupid uncontrollable oral mucosa. mag iinuman session ulit tayo.