that’s off the hook you little perve!!
July 14th, 2008 by janmihaelvaldez
PARENTAL GUIDANCE: NOT FOR KIDS. if you’re of age, proceed, if not, read on parin. pero be warned, may pagka perve to. hahaha. i just thought they were funny!
With due respect to Robert Frost, I wrote this parody to extentuate consequences in the choices we make
The Man Not Taken
Two men sprawled in bed looking good,
Sorry I could not keep them both.
Being one woman, long I stood
And checked out one as far as I could
Estimating his financial growth.
Then took the other with balding hair
And having perhaps a little shame
Because he was skinny, no muscles to bare
Though as for that the time spent there
Had proven their sexuality about the same.
And both that morning equally lay
in sheets so silky smooth and black.
Oh, I reserved the first for another day.
Yet knowing a good time goes a long way,
I doubted if he would ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a cry,
Somewhere nine months hither and hence.
Two men sprawled in bed,
and I,
I chose the one who told the vasectomy lie.
I wish I had known the difference!
A Naughty Little Poem
She whispered “will it hurt me?”
“Of course not” answered he
“It’s a very simple process,
You can rely on me.”
She said “I’m very frightened,
I’ve not had this before.
My friend has had it five times
And said it can be sore.”
It was growing rather painful
Tears formed in her eyes
It was hurting quite a bit now
It must have been a size.
“Calm
yourself” he whispered
“His face filled with a grin
“Try and open wider
So I can get it in.”
“It’s coming now” he whispered
“I know” she cried in bliss
Feeling it deep within her now
She said “I am glad I’m having this.”
And with a final effort
She gave a frightened shout
He gripped it in anguish
And quickly pulled it out.
She lay back quite contended
Sighed and gave a smile
She said “I’m glad I came now
You made it worth my while.”
Now if you read this carefully
The dentist you will find
Is not what you imagined
It’s just your dirty mind!!
Pickles Are Green
Roses are red
pickles are green
I love your legs
and what’s in between
I like your style
I like your class
but most of all
I like your ass!!!!
I Am Just A Normal Guy But
All My Dreams Are Kinky
I’m just a normal guy,
just as plain as one can be.
My Mum & Dad were average folks,
& that’s how they raised me
I don’t understand it,
it’s to normal things I’m geared
By day my life is sane,
but at night my dreams are weird
I’m just a normal fella
who goes off to work each day
I do my job, lunch with my mates,
each week collect my pay
But in the night I dread the bed,
each night is just the same
Cause all my dreams are kinky,
one overnight sick game.
I’m dressed in a G-string tied in a bow
There’s a chicken in a garter belt, Oh God no!
Birds fly by and wolf whistle overhead
Don’t roll over there’s a roo in the bed …
15 Strippers all in a row
All with bra-straps ready to blow
One pretty lady dancin’ in my lap
Don’t you touch or you’ll get a nasty slap.
I’m just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that’s how they raised me
I think one day when I was small, Ma dropped me in the sink
By day I’m just a normal sod, by all my dreams are kinked
I’d like to have a girlfriend, but it just never does work out
We get on fine until they find what my night dreams are about
Then they drop me like a stone, they say they can’t compete
With nude three-breasted women with vibrators on their feet
Hippos in tutus, hot oil & cream
Chains and whips all to make me scream
Lizards & snakes all in strange places
They’re gettin’ it on & making lewd faces
When dreaming the nightclubs everywhere
Are chock full of animals in underwear
Teddy Bears in teddies, wombats in hot pants
All we need now is a couple thousand ants
I’m just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that’s how they raised me
My life could be near perfect, my life could be real fun
If only when I slept the chorus girls weren’t dressed like nuns
I went to see a famous shrink, to straighten out my head
I told him if I can’t get fixed I might as well be dead
He laid me down & said “tell me of your erotic dreams”
I said “One feather is erotic, not whole chickens soaked in cream!”
There are female wrestlers all covered in jelly
Exotic dancers doing things with their bellies
A cute sexy lady, covered in mud
Whispers in my ear with the voice of Elmer Fudd
There are strong males strippers with bricks in their jocks
With all those square corners they couldn’t be socks
This stuff all around me is one kinky dream
Whatever you imagine I’m sure to have a theme
I guess it is my lot to life, can’t beat it so I’ll join
I suppose that they are only dreams they don’t even cost a coin
So if at night you happen to hear me in my sleep
Just think, “that lucky bugger, is dancing naked tending sheep.”
I’m just a normal guy, just as plain as one can be.
My Mum & Dad were average folks, & that’s how they raised me
I don’t under stand it, it’s to normal things I’m geared
By day my life is sane, but at night my dreams are weird
Posted in Uncategorized | tagged Add new tag, green poems, poems | | 3 Comments
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